


You Came Swinging Like Apollo (I'll Be Feelin' It Tomorrow)

by DumbWoojae



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fuck Buddies to Lovers, I'm actually sorry for this one, M/M, Smut, Sort of? - Freeform, Unhealthy Habits, eboy!hongjoong, everyone but seongjoong don't really appear much, flirty hongjoong, fuck buddies, golden boy!seonghwa, if you squint hard enough you can notice they switch, listen there's sex but that doesn't mean it'll be good, once again sort of?, popular bois, though it's never specified, will I ever write for a pair other than seongjoong part 284359
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:06:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26063944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbWoojae/pseuds/DumbWoojae
Summary: In the grand scheme of their world (college), they were all toys for Hongjoong to have fun with.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 14
Kudos: 174





	You Came Swinging Like Apollo (I'll Be Feelin' It Tomorrow)

**Author's Note:**

> so I've had this sitting in my drafts unfinished for the longest time, at some point I lost inspiration and decided to leave it aside for another day then Life Happened but however, about a year later, it's finally here! Warning on the possibly terrible smut because it's been decades since I last wrote smut and I've never been the best at it anyway, also keep in mind English is not my first language and it's been a while since the last time I wrote in general too!
> 
> On a side note, this was very poorly edited so excuse any mistakes and or typos, but whatever, enjoy this mess I guess

Kim Hongjoong has always been an enigma, but he has never been one Seonghwa was particularly interested in.

At least, not until he started to try to jump over him in every possible opportunity, like last week in computer science when, after the teacher had set them up together, Hongjoong sat a little _too_ close to him, and kept leaning over his ear to talk to him.

Now, don’t get Seonghwa wrong, it’s not that he’s blind and cannot notice that Kim Hongjoong is, in fact, very fucking hot, which is also the reason why half the campus has a massive crush on him —and his friends too, because eboys hold a power of their own, apparently—, but he simply cannot _show_ that he’s affected. That is not how it works.

“Hyung, he’s looking at you again,” Wooyoung tells him from beside him, leaning forward to reach his ear and whisper-shout over the loud bass resonating through the entire house.

“Don’t you say!” Seonghwa answers, fake surprised. He had noticed around 4 songs ago, and he’s tried his best not to steal glances at Hongjoong after that, —an act that proves to be very difficult because, holy fuck, he’s Kim Hongjoong. Gorgeous, enticing Kim Hongjoong, dressed in all black with a loose washed off t-shirt, shiny chains hanging from his neck and ripped skinny jeans that hug his body way too nicely. 

“Hyung, really, if he annoys you so much just tell him to fuck off!” Wooyoung prompts, leaning too close for the strong smell of vodka that’s emanating off him.

Seonghwa wrinkles his nose and pushes him away, laughing when he falls across Yeosang at the other side of the couch and gets his drink all over his shirt. He only laughs harder when they both start bickering about it.

“Hyung, I’ll take this stupid bitch to the bathroom okay?” Yeosang asks.

“Who do you call a stupid bitch? do you want to fight?” Wooyoung screams, his voice is loud even with the music turned up to the highest, but both Yeosang and Seonghwa pretend not to hear him.

“Sure, just come back quickly!” Seonghwa tells them, waving them off.

Now here’s a dare he’s got to face: being alone at parties. It’s not like parties are his element —and really, people have to stop thinking that just because they all somehow know who he is, he should adapt to all the stereotypes that come with it— but he’s usually okay so long as he’s with his friends, now though, with Yeosang and Wooyoung gone and Yunho nowhere to be seen, he sits uncomfortably on the couch and stares at his half empty drink in hope that no one approaches him.

Which of course, doesn’t work, because not two minutes go by before someone flops down _right on his lap_.

“What?” Seonghwa asks, cut off and too low to be heard over the loud music. it wouldn’t be the first time some random person does it, waits until he’s alone and takes a too risky step to try and get into his pants.

He lifts his head up to yell at the person on his lap, but the words get stuck on his throat when he’s met with Hongjoong’s smug face, smirk at full display and styled red hair falling gracefully over his face.

“You don’t mind, do you?” he asks, voice as smug as his face, his tongue peeking out to lick his cherry-red lips. There’s nothing seonghwa can do to stop himself from following the movement —which only seems to please Hongjoong that much more.

“There’s plenty of space on the couch,” he tries to protest, throat suddenly too dry, and he takes a sip of his rum and coke. He doesn’t, however, make any move to get Hongjoong off him.

The shorter lifts an eyebrow, smirk never faltering. 

“And there’s plenty of space in your lap, too,” he fires back, adjusting his position over Seonghwa’s lap so he’s sitting sideways, hands over Seonghwa’s shoulders.

He doesn’t answer, what is he even supposed to say to that? _"Well, thank you for using me as your personal chair"_?

“Cat got your tongue?” Hongjoong asks, hands going from Seonghwa’s shoulders to his neck.

“Maybe,” he murmurs, his mind usually quick with remarks suddenly refusing to come up with any comment to throw back at the man currently occupying his lap.

“Oh,” Hongjoong exclaims, smile widening like he’s pleased to hear that, “what a _lucky_ cat.”

And Seonghwa… He hates to admit it, but he blushes. The room is dim, and maybe Hongjoong doesn’t notice, but Seonghwa can feel the warmth spreading through his cheeks all the way up to his ears, and he hates himself for it.

That’s yet another thing about Kim Hongjoong, he knows how to press Seonghwa’s buttons way too well, almost as if he had gotten into Seonghwa’s mind, and it made it just that much more annoying that he was able to affect the older so much.

Seonghwa doesn’t know what’s gotten on him tonight, but whatever it is that made him bold enough to make an actual move, after a month of teasing, must be strong.

“Can you please not sit like this?” Seonghwa asks, in yet another desperate attempt to get Hongjoong off his lap, unable to make his hands move and push him away.

Hongjoong laughs, breathy and low against Seonghwa’s ear, and re-adjusts his position so, instead of sitting sideways on Seonghwa’s lap, his legs are spread wide at either side of his hips.

“Is this better, then?” Hongjoong demands, looking perhaps too pleased with himself. 

Seonghwa is _breathless._

He doesn’t know when his free hand flew to Hongjoong’s waist, he just knows it’s there, his mouth is slightly agape and he looks up at him like he’s a predator. The shorter just smiles, never losing a touch of that smugness he’s characterized by, and drops down so he’s sitting fully on Seonghwa’s lap.

“Is it?” he asks, face centimetres away from Seonghwa’s, eyes fixed on his lips. 

_oh fuck._

If they end up making out in a closet at some point of the night, pressed so close to each other that one would believe their lives depended on it, absolutely no one needed to know.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The rumour has spread that Hongjoong and Seonghwa might be… _going at it_ together. All it took was some people looking at them, at Hongjoong sitting comfortably on Seonghwa’s lap during the _whole_ party, flirting shamelessly as he usually does, for them to come up with the rumours.

Seonghwa denies it, he denies it all every time someone dares to bring it up, he threatened Yeosang, Yunho and Wooyoung as well, he’d have their heads in a plate if they dared to tease him where anyone aside from them could hear, he said, but truth to be told, the fact that he had his hands all over Hongjoong (read: waist, hips, thighs, per Hongjoong’s own requests) wasn’t helping the case.

Hongjoong wasn’t helping the case, either, sending winks whenever they walked by the other, leaning too close to talk to Seonghwa all the time. It was driving the taller mad. 

“let’s just get things clear, are you actually fucking him?” Wooyoung asks, he’s lying on Yeosang’s bed and looking at the other 3 across the room while his head hangs upside down.

“I- of course not!” Seonghwa exclaims.

“You’re blushing,” Yeosang points out.

“Look at his ears!” Yunho giggles.

Wooyoung laughs, loud and elmo-like.

Seonghwa craves death.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The day is dark, cold, and it’s pouring when Kim Hongjoong drops on a chair next to Seonghwa on the campus’ most crowded café. Seonghwa barely has time to look beside him before Hongjoong is moving his seat until he’s so close that his thigh touches Seonghwa’s, both missing the way people stare at them as they stare at each other.

“Hello,” he says, casual as ever, but leaning so close Seonghwa can _almost_ feel his breath hitting his face.

He should’ve known this day wasn’t in for anything good, and he should’ve also known it was Hongjoong-related —all of his worries nowadays are.

“Hey?” Seonghwa tries to lean a bit back, but Hongjoong places his hand around his chair and on the other’s waist, smiling, pleased with himself.

“So… you know they all say we’re banging, right?” Hongjoong asks, eyeing Seonghwa’s notes over the table before focusing his attention back on the taller.

“Yeah, so?” Seonghwa questions him, trying to sound cool, like he’s not totally losing it from the close proximity and the way Hongjoong’s eyes look _devastating_ with the dark eye makeup (that has glitter, holy fuck) and pale blue contact lenses.

“So… you wanna?” He asks, smirk blooming into a full smile when Seonghwa chokes on his own spit.

“What?” he whisper-shouts, looking down at Hongjoong like he’s gone completely crazy.

“You’re gonna act coy now? you let me sit on your lap the other night,” Hongjoong says, tone mocking as he leans just that much more into Seonghwa’s space.

“You wouldn’t get off me!” He tries to defend himself.

“You didn’t really do anything to push me away,” Hongjoong shrugs, he leans in a little bit more, and Seonghwa struggles to look back, “you also got a bit touchy, after a while. And kissed the living daylights out of me, after.”

And well, he cannot deny that, so he just feels himself going red in the face.

Hongjoong giggles, he really fucking _giggles_ , and it shouldn’t be as cute as it actually is.

“I think you're handsome and I might be flattering myself, but if the way you look at me is anything to go by, you think like that about me too, so why not?” he asks, like he’s suggesting to grab a coffee together or anything equally casual.

Seonghwa's heart has started beating fast, too fast, _way too fast._

“I don’t… I don’t...” he stutters, unable to form a thought.

“Don’t what, baby?” Hongjoong asks, smiling to himself as Seonghwa blushes just a little more. 

He tries to answer, God knows he does, but all words get stuck on his throat.

Hongjoong leans in all the way to kiss the place where Seonghwa’s jaw meets his neck, giggles against his ear and with all the confidence in the world says, “my place isn’t that far from here, we could go there if you want to.”

Ah shit _,_ he is really in for it, isn't he?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hongjoong is pretty and delicate but he sucks dick like a champion. 

As soon as Seonghwa and him made it to his room, he made his intention clear that he _wanted_ Seonghwa's dick down his throat, _wanted_ to be treated roughly, and who was Seonghwa to say no?

So, he finds himself fucking into Hongjoong's wet, warm mouth with earnest while the other moans like he's the one being pleasured, hooded eyes rolling back when Seonghwa tugs at his hair a little hard. He's got an oral fixation, Seonghwa's lust clouded brain surmises, and it's so fucking hot that he actually has to pull out or he's sure he's going to cum down Hongjoong's throat without even articulating a warning.

Hongjoong whines, petulant like only he can be, clearly not very pleased to have his fun time cut short, but Seonghwa pays it no heed as he drags Hongjoong up by the hair and kisses him like he needed the air straight from his lung to be able to live.

"Seonghwa, Seonghwa," Hongjoong chants between kisses, like it's a prayer, "Seonghwa _please_."

"Please what?" He asks, kissing the other boy's neck and palming him through his pants.

_What a wonder Hongjoong is_ , Seonghwa thinks in a flash, _that he can be all confident and mighty on the streets but he does nothing but beg in private._

"Fuck me from behind," Hongjoong demands, head thrown back to give Seonghwa better access to his neck, hips moving against Seonghwa's hand over his dick almost unconsciously, "Fuck me from behind and pull my hair hard while you do it, touch me, mark me, just- _uh_."

Seonghwa bites hard on his neck to cut him off, feeling like he's about to lose his mind with the amount of desire he feels, the way he's so desperate to please, to give Hongjoong everything he asked for and more, it's all so much it overwhelms him.

He pushes Hongjoong to lay down on bed, because he said before he wanted to be treated rough, but he's still careful while he prepares him, using a good amount of lube and going slow, taking in Hongjoong's cues on when he can take more and when to pause and let him breathe.

Seonghwa doesn't even have to try to find Hongjoong's prostate, reaching it effortlessly as his fingers curve inside the wet heat of his ass.

The way Hongjoong arches off the bed and moans brokenly and desperately is such a turn on Seonghwa's almost sure he could cum at the sight, the other looks sinful like this, legs wide open to accommodate Seonghwa and head thrown back, messy red hair spread around him like a sort of halo —if halos were red, and Angels were as erotic as Hongjoong is.

"Fuck, you look so good like this," Seonghwa says, the filter between his brain and his mouth dissipating the moment Hongjoong put his mouth on him and never coming back, "you're so hot Hongjoong, you know? So fucking pretty."

Hongjoong moans wantonly, it almost sounds like a cry, like Seonghwa's done something so good Hongjoong can't take it. Interesting.

"You're such a good boy for me," Seonghwa tries, testing the waters to see if the theory his brain has conjured is correct, and he is rewarded with the lewdest of moans of the entire afternoon.

So yeah, Hongjoong doesn't only have an oral fixation, but also a praise kink, goddamn he's so hot.

"Please, please fuck me, _please_ ," Hongjoong begs, sounding so desperate, so wrecked.

Seonghwa couldn't deny anything to him, not even if he wanted to.

He helps Hongjoong turn around, holding him by the waist when his extremities wobble like he won't be able to hold himself in all fours.

"Are you okay? You sure you can do it like this?" Seonghwa asks, rubbing his hands over Hongjoong's waist soothingly.

" _Please_ ," Hongjoong all but wails, "I can take this and more, I want to be good for you, come on Seonghwa."

Hongjoong sounds too desperate, like he's just one push away from being too far gone into pleasure… Seonghwa is honestly flattered, but he keeps that thought to himself as he puts on a condom and slicks himself up.

The first press against Hongjoong's rim is hot and tight, even if Seonghwa prepared him thoroughly, Hongjoong's still tight enough around him to push a moan out of Seonghwa right from the start. They work together, pushing and pausing, until Seonghwa is balls deep into Hongjoong.

He presses his forehead between Hongjoong's shoulder blades and hears him moan and breathe hard like just having Seonghwa sitting inside him is too much to take.

"So hot," Seonghwa whispers, tongue hanging out of his mouth and liking a fat stripe up Hongjoong's spine, "tell me when you're ready."

It takes a minute, but once Hongjoong gets used to his size he begs Seonghwa to move, so he sets a slow rhythm that steadily builds up to a more brutal pace as Hongjoong keeps demanding to be fucked harder.

Seonghwa does exactly what Hongjoong asked him to.

He fucks him _hard,_ pulls at his hair _hard_ , pinches his nipples and bite down on his neck and shoulder without restraints, and when Hongjoong's moans start to grow higher in pitch, fists a hand around his cock just shy of too tight, dragging it over the sensitive skin until Hongjoong cums with a shout of something that sounds like it was meant to be Seonghwa's name, but it morphed into something else.

He doesn't stop.

He lets go of Hongjoong dick, and keeps fucking into him without mercy, chasing his own release. Hongjoong moans under him, his arms having given up long time ago, his cheek pressed against the pillow as his nails dig marks into the soft flesh of Seonghwa's thighs.

"Cum inside me," Hongjoong whines, clearly overstimulated, but clearly enjoying it, " _please_."

"You keep saying please this, please that," Seonghwa says against his ear, voice cut off and breathy with the strength of every deep thrust, "so polite, my good boy."

Hongjoong moans, sweet and high, hole clenching around Seonghwa _so good_. It's the last push he needs before he's releasing in the condom, a moan caught in his throat as he bites down on Hongjoong's shoulder to stop himself from actually screaming.

For a while, only their loud breaths can be heard. Seonghwa helps Hongjoong lie on his back and grabs the wet wipes that are on his bedside table, helping him clean himself up before falling on his back, breath still uneven.

"Damn, you're such a good fuck," Hongjoong says, eyes closed while he tries to recover his breath, "can't wait for round two," he adds, devilish smirk spreading across his face.

Seonghwa groans in frustration as his traitorous dick twitches in interest.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It becomes a regular, sleeping with Hongjoong.

It’s not something Seonghwa’s proud of, if he’s honest, but it’s not something he can stop himself from doing either, especially not when Hongjoong can be so… persuasive —pushing him against walls on deserted hallways, leaning on his ear to whisper what he should never say out loud whenever they walked near each other, making him promise to come back while he’s… on a compromising position.

Hongjoong feels like a drug. 

Seonghwa has become addicted to the way Hongjoong feels between his arms, he’s become addicted to the feeling of waking up next to him, to his kisses and touch.

But all it takes is time —ah, his old nemesis.

It's about three months later when Seonghwa’s feelings come and ruin it all.

He’s always been one to get attached too easily, especially when given all the attention Hongjoong offers him, when put through such a big amount of intimacy, so it comes as a surprise to absolutely no one when Seonghwa realizes that, maybe, just maybe, he’s started to catch feelings for the other. Which wouldn’t be a problem, really, if Hongjoong didn’t only see him as a fuck buddy.

Some days, he thinks he could stand a chance, like when he stays the night and wakes up first, so he makes breakfast, and Hongjoong looks at him with the most beautiful smile and tells him he’s the best, kissing him breathless before they both sit to eat, or when he’ll whine for Seonghwa to stay in bed and cuddle with him through whichever amount of free time they may have. 

Some other days, though, Seonghwa can’t help but think about how much of an absolute _idiot_ he is, like when Hongjoong reads his messages, but doesn’t answer them, when he ignores his calls, when he pretends he doesn’t see Seonghwa across the hallway but still decides to change the route he had been taking.

It’s… maddening, really, that someone like him, who thought he had some self-respect, would let himself be treated like a fucktoy, but the more he falls, the harder it becomes for him to say no.

He should've seen it coming, after all, Hongjoong was only interested in him because he, out of all people in campus, wasn't drooling over him —he never said it, but Seonghwa just _knew_ that was the case. Hongjoong was the type to crave what he couldn't have, to take on challenges just for the sake of it. Sad for him that, in the end, Seonghwa hadn't been a challenge at all, his willpower not being even close to capable to stop him from falling into Hongjoong's game, because that's what it all was to him, a game, and in the grand scheme of their world (college), they were all toys for Hongjoong to have fun with. He has probably kept him around because Seonghwa is always willing and ready. He should've really seen it coming, he should've known he would end up with feelings… he's always the one who ends up with feelings.

The fact that somehow most people know about them doesn't help, either.

It's always been incredibly infuriating, the way people pay attention to his life more than anyone outside his circle of close friends has the right to, the way they're somehow always up to date with what he is and is not doing. 

_"It's because you look_ and _act like you walked out of a dream,"_ Wooyoung would say, and Seonghwa rolled his eyes at those words coming from someone who looks like he was carved out of stone, but Wooyoung just assures him that he knows what he's talking about.

It's the same for Hongjoong as well, people are always too aware of his every move, always too interested in things they don't have a right to know —leaving aside the fact that at least half the campus has a _massive_ crush on him, but really, they can't be blamed.

Adding up to that, is the fact that people like to talk, it's always been that way, but it's more than frustrating when they talk about them like they know them personally, when they make assumptions about their lives, when they talk about how _bizarre_ it is that they are together, when they comment on how absurd it is, given their clear differences.

Seonghwa is… soft, to put in a way. He prefers comfortable sweaters, lets his hair fall over his face and, when he feels like it, curls it up so it looks fluffy. He likes to be kind, likes to help others, likes to speak in a gentle voice, and prefers to keep to himself. He isn't too outgoing, but he's not shy, either, and he's got his fair share of acquaintances… _"Golden boy"_ Yeosang would mockingly call him.

Hongjoong… has always been the campus' heartbreaker. 

He's cool, the guy who people want to be close to but everyone's too intimidated to try, the guy who rejects anyone who dares confess to him, the guy who's always wearing black, who has piercings, who's not afraid to express himself how he wants to.

Hongjoong has always been the campus' heartbreaker, anyone who messes with him for too long ends up with a bruised heart. Seonghwa almost facepalms, thinking about how he willingly got in Hongjoong's way, all because he was shown some interest.

He fears he didn't fully understand what he was getting into, back then. He got carried away, and now, there's nothing else for him to do besides bracing himself for the imminent devastation on his way.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Wooyoung is the one to notice something is wrong, Seonghwa knows before he even brings it up because, in a typical Wooyoung fashion, he invites Seonghwa to eat, pays for the food, and acts extra nice. It's always like this, almost as if he feels bad because Seonghwa's having troubles.

"So," Wooyoung finally says, around half an hour into their dinner. The restaurant he chose is almost empty.

"So?" Seonghwa demands, after he takes too long to continue.

"Something is bothering you," he states, sure of himself, "my duty as your best friend is to ask what is it, and offer counselling."

"Yeosang is…"

" _My_ duty as your _best friend_ is to do these things," Wooyoung interrupts him, firm.

Seonghwa giggles, amused, "I was going to say Yeosang is better at counselling."

"Yeosang is an idiot," Wooyoung says, offended.

"You're a bigger idiot."

"This is not about me," Wooyoung dismisses seriously, "but I was the one who realized that something's been off with you, _me_ , not Yeosang, so talk to me, hyung."

Seonghwa sighs, what is there to be said anyway?

"Is this about Hongjoong?" Wooyoung asks, and he finds his answer when Seonghwa visibly tenses.

It’s… uncomfortable, truth be told, because Seonghwa’s friends know they see each other privately. He’s refused to talk about it, though, refuses to share any sort of detail with them, but he figures that if he’s going to talk to someone about this, there’s no one better to do so than Wooyoung. 

Wooyoung has always been the best at understanding Seonghwa —even if he has never been the best at giving advice—, they have been friends for so long it’s almost as if Wooyoung can read Seonghwa’s mind, so he figures opening up to him is not the worst he could do, especially since Wooyoung would never dare to judge him. He loves to tease, but he’s never judgemental.

"I just… I fucked up, Wooyoung, I really fucked up," he admits, giving a tired sigh and banging his head against the table, "I think I kind of… caught feelings for him, but that's not okay because we're supposed to _only_ fuck around."

It doesn't make him feel any better, saying it out loud. If anything, it only serves to enlarge the horror that settled on Seonghwa's chest when he first realized.

Wooyoung gasps, like that's one thing he wasn't expecting.

"Do you… like him?" He asks, slowly, "as in… romantically?"

Seonghwa lets out a litany of whines.

"I guess."

There's silence for a little, but it's not like Seonghwa was expecting Wooyoung to actually say absolutely anything —he's really, really never been good at giving advice.

"But, are you going to keep seeing him, then?" Wooyoung finally asks.

And here's where Seonghwa's predicament lays. Because he knows, logically, that if he's catched feelings while Hongjoong doesn't have any intention on doing so —and he doesn't, if all the signs he's been giving Seonghwa are right— then the right thing to do is stop everything they're doing. Cutting ties. Stop himself from landing on Hongjoong's bed every other day.

But then… 

Seonghwa doesn't want to.

He really, _really_ doesn't want to.

"Hyung," Wooyoung says, he looks both serious and uncertain, his eyes fixed on the empty table next to theirs, "I… know I'm not the best at giving advice, but I'm the one who's been dealing with your heartbreak since forever, so I'm also the the one who knows best that you have absolutely no sense of self preservation once you catch feelings for someone."

Seonghwa frowns, he wants to be offended by that, but he knows it'd be nothing but pure hypocrisy coming from him, specially when he's aware of the fact that Wooyoung's always the one to be with him while he cries and attempts to eat so much convenience store ramen that his blood turns into it.

"So, for the sake of your heart, hyung, I'd really recommend you stop seeing him before your feelings grow."

Seonghwa sighs tiredly. Strange as it is, Wooyoung is right, Seonghwa can't keep this up, can't continue to throw himself into hurt for the sake of his partners —partners that, at times, couldn't care less about Seonghwa's pain.

It's not healthy. He has to admit his habits aren't healthy.

He has to take a step forward, and change them.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Talking to Hongjoong was never easy, principally because he wouldn't let Seonghwa utter more than a few words before pushing him against the nearest surface and kissing his breath away, so Seonghwa makes the last move he feels is available for him: telling Hongjoong through text.

Seonghwa feels like an absolute _asshole_ for it, but the truth is, he's been trying to tell Hongjoong that they should stop this for two whole weeks, and every time it'd ended up on the same —with both of them in bed.

So, when Hongjoong texts Seonghwa, asking him to come over and hang out, Seonghwa takes a deep breathe

_"Honestly, Hongjoong,_ " he types, hands shaking, _"I don't really think we should hang out like that anymore. Sorry."_

It takes half an hour for Hongjoong to answer. Seonghwa jumps at the sound of his phone and forces himself to open the message without having a nervous breakdown.

_"Did I do something wrong?"_

Seonghwa wants to scoff. 

_Ignoring my texts for three days in a row_ , he wants to say.

_That pretty pink haired guy you were being a bit too friendly with this afternoon during lunch_ , he'd also like to mention.

" _I just don't wanna do this anymore, Hongjoong."_ Seonghwa tells him instead, breathing in deeply but still feeling like his lungs are devoid of any air.

He can't believe he actually did it.

" _Don't text me again_." He adds, as an afterthought, in case Hongjoong decides to contact him some other time and his weak resolve crumbles pathetically under the prospect of getting his dick wet.

seonghwa sighs, leaning back against the headboard of his bed and scrubbing his face with his hands so hard it hurts. This is the best. It's for his best.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hongjoong doesn't contact Seonghwa anymore, but it's not like he needs to for Seonghwa to know the list of things he's been up to.

Number one: avoiding Seonghwa. Apparently his personal favorite, since he did it even before Seonghwa asked him to stop their friends-with-benefits relationship, but now Seonghwa avoids him as well, so that's all fine.

Number two: parties. It's not a surprise, he's always been one for partying, usually never misses one, hence why Seonghwa and his friends have been avoiding them, instead moving to off-campus bars to grab a drink and clear their minds.

Number three: causing riot. He's been, apparently, one to create largue rampages during parties, whether for good or for bad, if what people are saying turns out to be true.

Seonghwa tries not to think about any of it. Tries not to let his eyes linger for too long on Hongjoong's accidently opened Instagram stories. He doesn't care, he _cannot_ care.

Because if he allows himself to care, then it'll hurt.

If he allows himself to care, then he'll be worried about the other, and if he allows himself to care, then his heart is gonna tear in two with the knowledge that a new party means another willing person Hongjoong could take home.

So Seonghwa seats on the couch with popcorn and soda, a movie ready to be enjoyed. He pointedly does not think. And he pointedly does not _care_.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It's Saturday three weeks after Seonghwa cut Hongjoong up. He's sitting on the floor of his living room because Yunho fell asleep on the couch, some animated DC movie playing on their tv screen. He's really into the movie, maybe that's why he misses the first few knocks on the door.

When whoever's outside knocks again, Seonghwa frowns. A quick look at his phone tells him it's two in the bloody morning and he just wants to know who the fuck is knocking on people's doors at that hour, because it shouldn't be legal.

He gets up to get the door, adjusting the blanket over Yunho so he doesn't get sick —he had a tendency to get sick rather easily—, and speed walking to the entryway.

A look through the peephole reveals that the person behind the door is Hongjoong.

Seonghwa holds his breath involuntarily, wondering if he should just ignore him and walk away, and deciding against it when Hongjoong lifts his hand as if to knock again, because he could wake Yunho up, so he opens the door without removing the chain lock, so Hongjoong can see him but can't make his way inside even if he tried.

"What?" He asks, sounding more confused than sharp.

"Uh… you don't look like you were sleeping," Is Hongjoong's brilliant response. With the door open, Seonghwa can perceive the distinct smell of vodka lingering in the air around the other, and it all clicks too quickly that the reason why Hongjoong is here is because he's drunk. Drunk and probably seeking physical contact. There's no way he'd ever look for Seonghwa while sober.

"I wasn't, what do you want?"

He stutters incomprehensibly for a few seconds, gesturing vaguely in the air like Seonghwa will magically get the hint. When he doesn't, Hongjoong clears his throat, and in a whispering voice asks, "can I come in?"

"Eh, I'd rather if you didn't," Seonghwa answers, and he didn't mean to say that really, but the late hour and the tiredness of the long day had left him without a brain to mouth filter.

"Oh, okay, I understand that, that's fair," Hongjoong says quickly, words slurred together in that way only _slightly_ drunk people could manage, "I just wanted to… like… just..."

Hongjoong's eyes find the floor, but he doesn't finish saying what he initially intended. Seonghwa's heart beats hard and fast against his ribcage, and he places the hand that had been on Hongjoong's direct line of view in the doorknob, just so the other can't see it shake.

"I'm not going to sleep with you, Hongjoong," Seonghwa tells him, firmly, "much less seeing that you've been drinking. Please, don't keep this up."

Hongjoong's head shoots up, his eyes finding Seonghwa's. He doesn't read into it, doesn't read in what the shorter's eyes might reflect, Seonghwa simply _doesn't_.

"That's the reason why you're here, ain't it? I told you I didn't want to do that anymore," he states, voice sure and firm even if there's a whisper at the back of his head asking him to give in just _one_ last time, "please don't come here drunk again, I hate that."

Seonghwa closes the door right on Hongjoong's face, and he absolutely does _not_ think about the expression on the other's face.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


To Seonghwa's surprise, Hongjoong shows up at the door of his last class on Monday, definitely sober.

At first, the taller man ignores him, doing his best at convincing his wild beating heart that he couldn't be there for him, but all his efforts crumble to the floor and become dust when Hongjoong starts to follow him, feet hurrying to catch up with Seonghwa's fast pace.

"Seonghwa," he calls, basically jogging after him as the other takes long strides in a valiant attempt to get away from him.

There are multiple eyes on them, people whispering among each other. They all probably know that they haven't been seeing each other for a while because, according to campus rumours, Seonghwa was the cause of Hongjoong's lately worse than ever recklessness —which is fucking _insane_ , thank you very much.

"Huh?" He asks, dismissive, pretending to be more interested in the papers he's holding in his hand. It's a report that his professor just gave back to him, but Hongjoong doesn't know that.

"Can we… oh god you're fast, can we talk?" He asks, already breathing a little hard, "can we go somewhere, maybe?"

In pair with Seonghwa's entire brain, his legs stop working. The movement —or rather, the lack of it— is so sudden Hongjoong almost bumps into him as he stops too.

_What is going on?_

"Um… about?" He asks, turning around to face the other, and fighting to make his brain work properly again.

"Well… just talk, I guess," Hongjoong tells him, voice low and hand scratching at the back of his head. His hair has been bleached, so instead of the bright red, he's sporting a blond so pale that it looks almost white —he's not sure if it looked that way when he showed up at his apartment a few days ago, he wasn't really paying attention, too concerned with his own emotional distress.

Seonghwa scrunches his nose, thinking of how much damage Hongjoong's hair probably had to go through to get to that, but he can't deny it looks too good on him.

_No, I will not give up, I'm upset, I'm upset_ , he reminds himself.

_But he looks hella pretty though,_ his brain supplies, unhelpfully _._

"Uh…" brilliant Seonghwa, magnificent answer, your eloquence is really stunning.

"We can go to that restaurant that's near here? It's lunch time already, so you are probably hungry," Hongjoong suggests, though it clearly sounds more like a question, "eh… my treat!" He adds.

"Uh…" he answers again, before kicking himself mentally to just _fucking speak like a regular person_ , "sure, I guess."

Hongjoong beams at him, pretty pink lips stretching and parting to reveal his wonderful set of perfect teeth, eyes going small. Seonghwa feels his heart do summersaults inside his chest and has to resist the urge to either slap himself across the face or kiss Hongjoong until they're both out of breath.

"Great!" Hongjoong says, full of enthusiasm, to then realize it and cough, embarrassed, "I mean, great."

Hongjoong looks up at him like he expects Seonghwa to regret it and take it back but, in all honesty, he's too busy containing his growing and insisten urge to burst into flames, Hongjoong's pretty eyes sparkling against the light of the afternoon sun making it increasingly difficult.

They make their way to the restaurant in silence, pick a table outside once they're there and patiently wait to be served. It's a minute or two after the waiter takes their orders that Hongjoong finally breaks the ice.

"So… have you been good?" He asks, hand going through his bleached strands.

Seonghwa's breath catches in his throat at how fucking pretty Hongjoong looks, sitting right in front of a bush full of yellow flowers that contrast beautifully against his dark clothes and warm skin tone. He nods absentmindedly, not trusting himself not to blurt something embarrassing like _you're so beautiful_ if he dares open his mouth.

"Ah…That's good," Hongjoong says, nodding to himself. 

The waiter arrives with their food and they eat in uncomfortable silence. They supposedly came to talk, but not a word was exchanged as they wiped their plates clean.

It's later, when dessert arrives, that Seonghwa can't take it anymore, so he finally ushers away the prominent silence that's been looming over them.

"Why are we here, Hongjoong?" He asks, looking straight at him, though the shorter looks anywhere but Seonghwa. 

"I just… wanted us to eat together," he says, cheeks taking on a warm tone as if he's embarrassed.

"Yeah but why?" He asks again, feeling slightly on edge, his heart beating faster for each second he spends sitting in front of the other, "if you have anything to say, you can just say it."

Hongjoong remains silent, hands tangled together over the table and eyes fixed on his dessert.

"Just talk, Hongjoong, you went to my apartment the other day and now this? What do you want from-"

"I miss you!" Hongjoong blurts out, loud enough that people in the tables around them turn to look at them, "I just… really miss you."

Seonghwa's brain screeches to a stop. He stares at Hongjoong, wide-eyed and confused, overwhelmed, uncertain, and feeling so many things he might throw up. He's overthinking it, Seonghwa tells himself, his feelings are making him think that Hongjoong means something _more_ , but he doesn't.

Seonghwa laughs bitterly.

"Was I that good of a fuck you couldn't just replace me?" He asks, his voice is… full of poison, his stomach twisting in an awful way at the thought of someone else in Hongjoong's bed.

"You weren't… just a fuck buddy to me," he says, so quietly it's almost impossible to hear.

Seonghwa ignores the way his heart expands like it'll burst.

"I wasn't? You sure worked hard so I wouldn't suspect it," Seonghwa states, his voice filled with that bitter kind of mockery that came with resentment.

"I… I'm sorry, Seonghwa, I just-"

"I _was_ just a fuck buddy," Seonghwa tells him, entirely too sure of himself and leaving no room for arguments, "you don't ignore someone who's not just a fuck buddy, you don't play with them like you played with me."

"You do if you're scared," Hongjoong tells him, looking at Seonghwa dead in the eyes, pupils blown and revealing a sort of emotion Seonghwa can't quite put his finger around, something like a mix of guilt and another feeling entirely. "I'm sorry, I know that was… very shitty of me, but I was just terrified, because I like you a lot and I wasn't sure you'd ever feel the same about me."

There's a pregnant pause. Seonghwa's not sure what he should say, because Hongjoong just admitted to like him and that's a possibility he never thought about.

"I know it probably doesn't make much sense," Hongjoong continues, when Seonghwa just looks at him with a blank expression, "but I was just… I've never been good at relationships? Or people? And you're so amazing, I was terrified, I _am_ terrified, and I understand if you don't ever want to talk to me again, I just… wanted to say I'm sorry, for the things I did."

Seonghwa's brain _cannot_ possibly formulate a response. Not right now, and not for the next year, probably. Maybe if Hongjoong calls him in ten years, Seonghwa would surely have come up with an answer by then.

"So I… am sorry, really," Hongjoong goes on, like he never stopped in the first place, "I know I'm kind of awful, and it really did make me feel bad too when I ignored you and stuff, but I'm a little fucked up and I really can't-"

Seonghwa puts a hand up, stopping Hongjoong from going on one of his self-deprecating rants.

"Give me a second to process," Seonghwa says, voice cracking and giving away feelings he wanted to keep to himself, at least for a little longer.

"Oh, yeah, okay," Hongjoong answers, nodding his head, lower lip trapped between his teeth in a way that kind of makes Seonghwa want to bite it too.

_No, focus, we're having a serious talk here._

"So, you like me," Seonghwa says, to which Hongjoong bobs his head, ears starting to turn a pretty pink, "for how long?"

Hongjoong looks away, the pink dusting his ears and cheeks growing darker.

"Hongjoong," Seonghwa calls, "how long?"

"Uh," he says, clearing his throat after and staring down at his lap where his hands rest, "about… a month after we started… yeah."

If Seonghwa's mind was barely functional before, it's completely stopped now, a big red sign deeming it out of service for what's left of the day.

_Hongjoong has liked me… for even longer than I've liked him._

Seonghwa's sure a star explodes somewhere deep in the universe right as the realization dawns on him, like some sort of perfect cosmic timing.

"You… why?" He asks, utterly confused.

"Well… you're really kind, funny, you cook really well, take care of me, you're very smart," Hongjoong lists quietly, eyes glued to the table and cheeks on fire, "you're also insanely handsome and just overall the full package, how's anyone supposed to not fall for you?"

Seonghwa chokes on thin air. His face started feeling warm from the moment Hongjoong admitted to like him, but now he feels like all the blood in his body has picked his cheeks and ears to rest.

"Oh…" is all Seonghwa can say, truly speechless over the fact that Hongjoong _likes_ him and it's _not_ only about the sex… he hadn't even fucking mentioned the sex, and that's a lot to say because it was really fire.

"But I understand if you don't feel the same though!" He exclaims suddenly, lifting both hands in the air and staring at Seonghwa with wide eyes like he might scare him away if he's not careful, "or if you don't even want to talk to me anymore! I understand that, that's valid, I just… you have a right to know this, I guess."

Seonghwa scoffs loudly.

_How much of an idiot is he that he really didn't notice I have feelings for him too?_ Seonghwa thinks, almost incredulous.

Hongjoong visibly chokes, "you _what_?"

Oh, he said that out loud.

_Fuck, he said that out loud_.

They stare at each other in silence, awed expressions meeting.

"What did you just say?" Hongjoong asks.

"Eh, I should go?"

"No, that's not what you said!" Hongjoong exclaims, planting his hands on the table and half lifting his body off his chair. He's smiling so wide it's blinding, and he giggles in the sweetest way, like he can't believe it.

Seonghwa is frozen for a whole minute, staring at Hongjoong and drowning in his ethereal beauty. Smiling like this, with the flowers behind him, he almost looks like a fairy, his soft laugh the most beautiful melody, born on pure joy that can only be a presage of good things.

Hongjoong's smile widens when he doesn't answer, like he knows something Seonghwa doesn't.

"So you have feelings for me?" He asks.

Seonghwa sputters pathetically, hands moving around as if desperate to explain himself. Goddamn it, how could he be stupid enough to get himself in this.

Hongjoong laughs lightly, but the sound is so full of joy it absolutely melts Seonghwa's heart, automatically rendering him speechless. The shorter man leans over the table, clearly not giving a single fuck about the people who are still watching them, and plants a slow and sweet kiss to the other's lips.

Seonghwa sighs into it, having missed Hongjoong's closeness. He almost tugs him close, had it not been for his brain supplying that _hey, you guys are in public_ , so instead he lets Hongjoong part from him and sit on his chair.

"I like you a lot," Hongjoong says, all sparkling eyes and wide smile, it's like he's begging Seonghwa to say it back.

And Seonghwa's never been very good at denying anything to him.

"I like you really, really a lot," he says, stumbling over his words as his cheeks heat up, but the shame is worth it when Hongjoong laughs once again, like hearing it has provided him a new burst of absolute joy.

Seonghwa worries for a second about how lengthy this will be, this initial joy that has found its way into his heart and expanded it so much it feels like it'll might burst in any second, about how long will it be until Hongjoong, like all of Seonghwa's other partners, realizes that he's not really all of that, and it's overwhelming, for a hot second. But then, he looks across the table, at the way Hongjoong is smiling so wide his eyes are barely open, the way he picks some of his cheesecake with his fork and offers it to Seonghwa, opening his mouth cutely as an instruction on what he should do.

Maybe, Hongjoong is worth the heartbreak, and though he might regret it later, Seonghwa is willing to take this leap into the dark, because Hongjoong is worth it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hongjoong doesn't bring heartbreak. If anything, he soothes all the heartbreak Seonghwa's ever been through.

He takes good and delicate care of the taller's heart, easing over the scars and unhealed wounds to make sure Seonghwa feels better. He helps to fix what's broken, and helps reinforce what's been rebuilt.

He doesn't _request_ for Seonghwa to trust him, but _earns_ that trust, earns the right to be beside him in every joyful moment as well as every meltdown, and it's a right he owns proudly.

Seonghwa gives as good as he gets, easing worries, talking out problems, solving what they'd done wrong.

They work their way into their relationship, and thought it might not be easy, it's not like they'd be very willing to change any of it, for absolutely anything in the world.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Seonghwa sits calmly on the couch at the library, scrolling through his phone as he waits for Yunho to come down from the third floor so he can hand over his notes. Beside him, Hongjoong whines.

“We’re in public,” he says, eyes still focused on the screen of his phone as his boyfriend clings to his side and makes dying noises.

“Just one kiss,” he begs, nipping at Seonghwa’s neck like that’ll make him crumble. And it might. 

“Public,” he repeats, risking one look around while pushing Hongjoong a little back, just to find several pairs of eyes fixed on them. Fuck, why are they always surrounded by voyeurs.

“Seonghwa,” he whines, like the toddler he actually is.

Truth is, Hongjoong wears smugness like an armour, and after their confessions he didn’t feel like he needed it anymore. Now, six months later, Seonghwa rarely ever sees his smugness directed at him anymore.

“Just one,” he whines again, making noises like he’ll die if Seonghwa doesn’t kiss him soon.

Yunho appears just then, and Seonghwa removes the younger from where he’s all but sitting on his lap to stand up and hand over his notes. 

"My god, hyung, thank you _so_ much," Yunho says, like he's out of breath, Seonghwa suspects he probably jogged from the third floor, "your notes will really help us, can you believe San doesn't even have notes on this class? Like, at all? Why does he show up anyway?"

Hongjoong laughs from where he's clinging to Seonghwa, face smashed against his back and arms tightly surrounding him, "he's lazy to write but I bet he can remember all important points."

"He does! What the fuck!?" Yunho exclaims, earning him a few _shhhh_ s, "I mean, that's insane." He adds, lowering his voice this time.

Seonghwa laughs quietly. This is something else, Seonghwa had been introduced to Hongjoong's friends, and as Seonghwa's friends were introduced to him too, they all merged into a big friend group.

"Are you guys tutoring Jongho?" He asks, placing his hands over Hongjoong's on his belly in case he wants to move them lower.

"Yeah, Wooyoung and Yeosang are struggling to get him to understand that whole economics thing, I don't know man," Yunho shrugs, "he looks pretty lost, twenty dollars he fails."

"Make it fifty," Hongjoong calls cheerfully, making Yunho laugh.

"Yah, Jeong Yunho!" Comes a booming voice.

It's Mingi. From the third floor. Jesus Christ.

"If you don't come here right now with those notes you're on fucking sight!" He yells.

A lot of people shush him, enough people that it resonates throughout the entire library, and Seonghwa has to hold back from laughing his ass off as Mingi simply shushes them back and points a finger at Yunho, quite menacing.

"Okay, I gotta go give them these and pretend I don't know who that is," Yunho says, looking exasperated, "bye hyungs."

They wave Yunho goodbye and Seonghwa turns around, struggling to make his way to the door with Hongjoong hanging from his back like a baby gorilla, refusing to move his own feet.

"Hongjoong, come on," Seonghwa tries, using all of his strength to give every step forward.

"Kiss," Hongjoong enlarges, demanding, arms squishing Seonghwa's chest.

Seonghwa giggles, Hongjoong is such a baby.

With the determination of a warrior, Seonghwa struggles to get Hongjoong's arms to loosen enough around him so he can turn on his hold. When he does, Hongjoong is pouting up at him, eyes big and shining. 

_Fuck_ , Seonghwa thinks, _Hongjoong's so gorgeous._

The taller smiles at him, easy and goofy enough he's sure anyone in a twenty meters radius can tell he's absolutely _whipped_ for the man in front of him. Without hesitation, Seonghwa cups Hongjoong's face with his hands, and plants a lingering kiss to his forehead.

When he parts from the other, he fears for a second Hongjoong will throw a tantrum, but instead, he smiles wide and stunning and _breathtaking_ , and leans to up to place a shy kiss to Seonghwa's cheek, looking at him from under his eyelashes.

Seonghwa's heart soars and expands, full to bursting with love for this man he never thought could love the way he does, but that has proven him wrong time and time again.

He feels happy, Hongjoong makes him happy, and he makes Hongjoong happy, he's said so himself.

As they make their way out of the library, hand in hand and silly smiles directed at each other, Seonghwa can only hope they keep making each other happy for a long, long time.

For the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> *sweats nervously* so... haha... that was it... 
> 
> Listen, I hardly even tried tbh, i just wanted it OUT of my drafts, however I hope you liked it heh I appreciate comments and kudos a lot!!! thank you sooo much for reading!  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/dumbwoojae)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/DumbWoojae)


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